Are you in a bad relationship?
It would help if you change your thoughts about your relationship.
You may think your spouse needs to change so you can feel better; he is keeping you from the relationship of your dream. Never mind him, you're keeping yourself from your dream. As long as your own happiness is hinged on someone else's actions, you can never be satisfied.
Your dream is not contingent on someone else. It's your dream. Even if it's a dream about a relationship that involves you both. What's holding you back is you want something, and you equally forcefully believe you can't have it. You also believe someone else is getting in your way. By holding yourself apart from what you want, you're making it impossible to get.
Your thoughts and energy are powerful. You're devoting more mental power to the fact that you don't have what you want.
Your passion and drive want to move forward, but worry and fear are holding you back. Using your spouse's actions to contradict your passion only pulls you both apart. You're using him to irritate your passion.
Passion is inside you. It's a feeling. Nobody can give it to you. It's inside you already. It's pure, and it's real. You have to believe in it. If you tag it to any external circumstances or a person you lose.
Your energy and thoughts will flow towards the things you don't want. The thing that agitates you.
Your spouse is the one person you committed your life to and you spend most of your time with. You can't win. You have to believe that you can be successful or happy with or without someone else.
Nothing can get in your way if you can release the limitations you place on what you want. Don’t make your dreams contingent on anyone else. Don’t stand in your own way. And don't let anyone else do that either. You can complain about your relationship or expect good things. Either way, the universe will deliver. Worry about the future or look forward to it. You choose.
I know that you believe in positive thinking and want to say your relationship is wonderful, so say that, even if it's not. It's just not yet. If you start thinking about it that way it will be.
The only reason you want that kind of connection is that you used to have it. It didn't go anywhere. It's just that you are both too focused on what you don't like about each other. You can spend 30 years trying to manipulate and change someone, or you can love them.
Problem is you think you can change him. You can't. All you can do is change yourself.
If you struggle in a relationship, I feel you. I've been there. It's hard.
But you are the one making it hard. You see when you refuse to let people be who they are; you keep trying to mould them into something else. You create misery.
The way to a great relationship is to believe in it. Level your thoughts and energy up towards a great relationship. What this doesn't mean is you keep comparing your spouse to some idealistic fantasy version of himself. He will always come up short. And you've pegged your happiness to some made-up version of happiness.
People will never be what your ideal fantasy version of them is.
Believe in your relationship. Invest mental energy in believing in love. Believe this relationship is a good one. Because it is. I know you don't currently see this because what you keep looking at is his deficiencies.
Believe in your partner. See every act he doeses as an act of love. Remind yourself that they love you often. Look for the positive qualities in him. Make a list. Read it often.
The goal is to spend more time appreciating your relationship.
Ultimately you have to change the way you think and feel about your partner and your relationship. Remember you chose this person and they chose you.
Many people will instead leave what they see as a bad relationship for another one and another one. What was wrong with all those men? Actually, Nothing.
The common denominator is you. You can leave this relationship, but you're going to have the same problems in the next one. You cant have a good relationship with anyone until you have a good relationship with yourself.
Of course, there are some relationships not worth saving like when someone is abusive. This is different.
Just know that if you leave one person to find someone else, you can find yourself in the same challenging relationship again unless you change your thoughts.
Dial your thoughts into a positive direction towards the love you want. Detach from thoughts that blame others for your unhappiness.
It's not about them; it's about you.
Remember, happiness is a feeling. It's inside you. As soon as you hinge it on something outside you, you are vulnerable.
Believe in feelings of happiness inside you and nurture these feelings. Feel good as often as you can. You can’t feel good about yourself if you feel bad about others.
If you feel bad about your spouse or your situation, you are pointing your attention in the wrong direction. You can't be happy with him and upset with him at the same time. Suppose you find yourself despising your spouse. Go ahead. Just know your happiness is taking a hit. There's no way around that. You are giving your power to him.
If you think your relationship sucks. It will. Your thoughts are creating that. You are the architect of your thoughts, and you can change them.
Here's How to Love your Spouse:
- Remember you chose this person. Focus on their good qualities. Write about them and think about them a lot.
- Appreciate your spouse in your mind and out loud as often as you can
- Plan to do fun things together
- Change your dialogue. Keep your predominant conversations positive. Talk about things you both enjoy and love. Maybe it's a pet or the success of your children. This brought you together before it will bring you together again.
Don’t spend time with your spouse complaining about anything. Your energy and conversation together, likely gravitate towards negative things. The economy, the weather. Your mother in law.
- Stay away from these subjects. Come home from work and talk about all the good things that happened to you, even if they are small. Tell him how happy you are that someone let you merge in front of them in traffic. Tell him how someone smiled at you at work. Make happy plans for the future together; plan a vacation. Hang out with positive people and stay away from other couples who like to complain. If possible, find Netflix shows that are inspiring and positive to watch. Don’t consume negative content with your spouse( or at all). Changing the energy of negative thoughts and emotions does take effort, but it's worth it. The reason you are unhappy together is you have too much negative momentum. Eventually, you will be able to go back to the things you used to complain about, but you will see them in a more positive light. Or you may choose to stay away from them altogether.
- At the end of your day, talk about all the good things that evolved. Be grateful.
- Surround any struggle you have together with compassion and kindness. Always give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Reveal his perspective, don’t fight with it. If your spouse struggles with anything, surround him with kindness and love.
- It will take effort, but you must turn this negative momentum in your relationship around.
- Look at your history, Recognize how You created your life together. Everything you have now started with a thought. You thought you wanted a relationship; you got one. You thought you wanted a husband, and you got one. You thought you wanted to move in together and you did. Through common goals and positive intentions, you created momentum, and you created your life together. Now recreate it. Keep moving forward.
- Right now, you are stalled because you have too much negative energy for each other. Your negative thoughts are driving a wedge between you both. You're not moving forward, and that's why you're getting upset. You think he’s holding you back. He’s not, you're holding yourself back. Together you're holding each other back.
If you keep complaining about problems you will get more problems. Every problem is just a reason to create new solutions. You need a problem to help you think about your relationship differently.