It can be daunting to challenge others when you feel violated or angry.
Speaking up can render some people useless to the point where they just give up.
The sad truth is that so many people don't have the guts to express their concerns openly. Trouble is, many chronic challenges may come from this inability to speak up. As we cover up our emotions they only get worse.
Why are we so afraid to speak up?
We have all had the experience where you start to raise your concerns, and the other party dismisses them or outright berates you.
Aware of the sabotage, people button their lip for the sake of avoiding conflict.
Agonizing silence is usually driven by fear. Nothing will get better unless you can first speak your mind to allow communication to move ahead.
I think part of the problem is people find it hard to describe problems without getting defensive.
Problems need to be unbundled to understand them. Frustrated, many people don't even know why they are upset so they can't comminucate. Conflict is always multifaceted.
For instance, a friend of mine continually bails on me only hours before we are meant to meet. This leaves me frustrated because I have wasted my time, I have to now change my plans and I feel like she is not treating our relationship like it is important.
Typically how I would handle this problem is to simply avoid her or freeze her out to get back at her for her violations. This clearly does not solve the problem or strengthen the relationship.
I once saw a motivational speaker about conflict suggest that to unbundle conflict, we must first decide what violation to confront.
In my case the violation that bothers me the most is that my friend is not respecting our relationship. I decided to speak up and say this...
Natasha when you cancel on me like this it really shows me that everything else in your life is more important than me. If this relationship is at all a priority to you than don't dismiss it like that. If you do then I will be forced to end the friendship.
My friend Natasha was never late or cancelled again.
By addressing conflict we maintain respect and solve the problem. State your views honestly and respectably and relationships will improve.
Motivational speaker about conflict, motivational speech, I Love My Job, it's the People I Can't Stand!