Every negative thought and feeling takes you out of the present moment. It takes you out of your life and into a negatively tainted version of it.
All negative thought and emotion are designed to protect you from your life. The only way to find relief from negative feelings is to go towards more positive ones.
You have to feel positive thoughts and feelings to bring you to the present moment( & back into your life). Every emotion carries with it a vibrational component. Positive emotions are a higher vibration; they lift you. Negative emotions are a sinking lower vibrational feeling.
To find the present moment, or to Be Here Now, negative emotions will never get you there. However, positive emotions will. To feel better, your goal is to find more relieving, lighter, positive energy emotions.
Let's look at how this works by exploring failure.
If you failed at something, you probably feel bad. Failure is tough; almost everybody feels bad when they fail. You likely feel doubt, worry and even fear. All of these thoughts and emotions pull you out of your life. You will continue to return to thoughts involving failure, worry and doubt. Each time it doesn't feel nice. It’s because these emotions are tied to your survival and are designed to protect you from pain.
Depending on how strong your negative emotions are, you may withdraw and never risk failing again. Actually, you are taking yourself out of your real life in front of you that caused you pain, and you are climbing into negative emotions inside you. You will exclude yourself from other opportunities because of fear of failure.
Even though it's disappointing and hurtful, you need to choose some positive thought feelings that feel good to stay in your life. They elevate your energy.
HOW TO DEAL WITH FAILURE
Let’s try it:
You failed, and you feel bad. Please pay attention to how you feel, it's like a thermometer showing you how you are doing.
If you failed you might start saying to yourself, I’m the Best Anyways, & it likely won’t work. You won’t believe it, and you need to follow genuine emotion, not fake ones. Thoughts and feelings have to go in the same direction.
It’s just that it's too much of a leap. It’s tough to go from fear and denial to complete confidence. However, there are other emotions in between that can help get you there. Think of your emotions like a scale, going from negative to positive. It would help if you worked your way up to the most vibrant positive emotions. Just like a singer develops vocal range, you need to develop the emotional range.
I find the best Go-To Feelings when life hassles you are kindness and self-compassion. Not confidence because confidence usually causes you to toughen up and put on a strong face. This incites more stress.
Instead, go immediately to self-compassion or inner kindness.
The most difficult emotions like fear, anger or doubt are hard. They are designed to be that way to protect you, to scare you, to keep you from making mistakes and failing.
Here’s a good thought-feeling combination:
You failed. Recognize you are torn up inside. You likely feel fear, anger, maybe resentment. Just feel it, don’t analyze it or try to figure it out. Things didn't work out for you the way you wanted today; it's disappointing. It's hard to feel this way, but it's normal. Anyone would feel like this if they were in the same situation. Know that it's going to be ok. Know things will work out. Right now be kind to yourself in a tough situation.
Through these words and feelings, you should feel some relief. Some of your anger and fear should subside. Keep up the kindness thought pattern anytime you retreat to feeling bad about yourself or what happened. Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up for failure or for feeling bad. These are negative emotions and will perpetuate more negative emotions.
Eventually, you can move up the emotional scale. You can leave compassion and move towards appreciation if it feels good.
You survived a tough experience; it gave you information and a different perspective. From here, you may feel proud of yourself. If feeling pride doesn't feel right, you took too much of a leap. Instead, try appreciation. Appreciate yourself for showing up, for seeing it through. If it feels good, it will give you relief; if it feels bad, you leapt too far up the scale. You need to develop a more emotional range.
The goal is to massage your emotions into a better feeling place genuinely. Your emotions are your guide. They are the compass and will show you which direction you are going. Relieving emotions uplift you and negative emotions make you feel slightly worse.
It may help to remind you that negative emotions are more gritty than positive ones. They have staying power. A bad mood can hang around for days, while good feelings are fleeting. You have to keep nurturing happy emotions until you feel better constantly. Positive emotions will gain momentum; it will just take a bit of sustained effort.
Just remember when you go through hard times, smother yourself with compassion and kindness until it provides relief. Eventually, you can reach for other, more positive emotions like contentment, optimism and belief.
Abraham hicks developed an emotional guidance scale that is extremely helpful. I have inserted it into the photo
Using this scale, you can move up the scale using your emotions to guide you to a more positive emotion. Emotions have a vibration. Lower emotions like fear and guilt are very low vibration, which is why they feel draining. You will tend to climb inside yourself in fear, anger or doubt.
As you move up the scale, your emotions vibrate higher. They are more uplifting. Because emotions are vibrational energy, they pick up momentum. Thus all you need to do is follow the feeling momentum upward.
This emotional scale is tremendously valuable. It will guide you to a better feeling thought more easily. Eventually, you will develop better feeling thought patterns that work for you and rely on them often. They'll become natural.
Basically, figure out what emotional state you are in and adjust your thoughts to keep moving up the scale. At first, the scale surprised me a bit.
It's funny to think that anger is higher vibrational energy than fear. It is. If you are in fear, guilt, or any lower vibration, emotion anger is an improvement. This means that if you are in fear, try to move your thoughts towards anger, and you should feel some relief. If you don’t feel relief, then you jumped too far up. Instead, try going from fear to guilt or jealousy. Just change your thoughts and see if they provide you with emotional relief. It feels relieving that you are finding a higher vibrational emotion that will uplift you slightly.
If you feel it, Anger really is an improvement from fear. Fear is totally powerless, whereas anger is about injustice and feeling like you’ve been wronged. It gives you more power, you were wronged, and you want to be treated better. The feeling is lighter as it is more empowering.
Over time you will develop the emotional range, and it will become easier to move up to more positive emotions.
Here are some examples using ABRAHAM HICKS EMOTIONAL VIBRATIONAL scale:
If you are in anger, doubt is a more powerful feeling. Can you massage anger into doubt? For instance, if you are angry with your neighbour, you are likely pointing your thoughts towards anger, can you focus on doubt instead? You may doubt your neighbour even knows he’s this annoying. You doubt things will immediately improve. You doubt your neighbour is going to move anytime soon. These are small shifts from anger to doubt, but they will relieve the negative momentum anger is gaining inside you.
Another example. Let’s say you blame your accountant for messing up your taxes. Any amount of energy you spend thinking about blame will deplete you and move your emotions in the wrong direction. Your goal is to feel better about the situation and your accountant.
You can see how frustration and irritation are higher up the scale than blame. Can you become frustrated with the situation instead of blaming your accountant? This will give you relief.
Another example. Let's say a colleague at work irritates you. Try to move up the emotional scale from irritation to boredom to contentment. Instead of focusing on how irritating your colleague is, can you find a way to be bored with the things that irritate you? Once you are there, you can easily start to feel more contentment with your work.
This gets easier the more you do it. Take it lightly and be playful about it. If a thought feels bad, it's taking you in the wrong direction. It would help if you found a better feeling.
I am booked as a funny keynote speaker; I started performing stand up comedy 20 years ago. At first, I bombed a lot, and I created a powerful vibrational force in the direction of fear. It took me years to bring this to a better feeling place. I hope this article will make it easier for you.