I am currently dating a nice guy. He's not just nice to me as some sort of means to lure me in; but he is genuinely nice. He is nice to everyone.
He is a good listener, he gives people the benefit of the doubt, he is polite and respectful, he holds doors open for others. Primarily, he puts others needs ahead of his own.
I have met ( dated, been engaged to) some really good men but never the nice guy. To me the difference is nice guys consistently put others ahead of themselves, even complete strangers.
So I was very curious to ask this nice guy: do you think nice guys finish last? His answer was yes.
When I think about it, It does make sense:
Nice guys can be turned over for promotion because more pushy, self righteous people grab the spotlight.
Putting your needs behind others, you may never get what you want.
Always helping others, you may never get your own work done.
Considering others opinion takes time and can muddle results. Strong, decisive personalities often prevail.
Disregarding others is much more efficient then gathering differing opinions and representing the masses.
People who are used to getting what they want may unknowingly manipulating others to get results.
Extra work and favors tends to fall in the lap of the agreeable, accommodating type. Pretty soon it becomes expected.
Acts of kindness may go unnoticed, instead of being celebrated.
Even holding the door open for someone you come in last.
One of the key differences lies in that nice guys aren't looking for a pat on the back for their kindness, they are not keeping score. They are nice because they know it's the right thing to do and it feels good.
Although still driven to achieve and accomplish, they do so for the good of the group, not individual gain.
A nice guy likely wouldn't succumb to lying, cheating, gossip or bursts of anger. However, all of these do get you what you want. Most liars or cheaters distort the truth or cover something up for their own gain or to avoid being found out.
Even anger has its place to solicit fear in others and intimidate others to get what you want.
It's possible nice guys question themselves more then others do. Their moral compass has them second guessing what they do to determine if it's right or wrong. This kind of moral introspection can undermine forward motion.
Too bad the score card wasn't different. If people really valued the unconditional acts of kindness from the nice guy, more people would be this way.
Instead I think many people are caught up in the cycle of rewards and punishment. We act to accomplish something, and it's often self serving.
It's the way society has evolved. In organizations, you do certain things ( or fail to do them) and you get this reward or this punishment. The trouble is you get trained to expect the reward or avoid the punishment and your motivation gets wrapped around this.
Instead of doing things because it is right or it just intrinsically feels good to help others.
As more people do things just because it is right, nice guys will finally finish first.
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