1) you want power with them
2) you have an intention to control them in some way shape or form
3) you are planning for a rainy day when you will need their support
4) you are manipulating the relationship
We communicate through our wounds, they bonds us and bring us together. We bond most deeply by sharing childhood wounds. However, by continually sharing our wounds we end up locked in them, we let our past define our present and we control and manipulate others around us.
To heal, we turn to therapy.
Therapy is the boat that is meant to get you across the river; trouble is, nobody gets off on the other side. The wounds we have aren't the problem, instead we get addicted to the power and the privilege the wound gives us.
There is no healthy reason to hold onto your past. All the good you got from your past has already been delivered.
In her motivational speech, an example Myss gives is someone says something like, "oh you'll never be good enough". It took only 3 seconds to say and the wound it created has commanded the rest of your life.